In the spring of my freshman year of college, as people who know me will remember, I had the worst acne break-out of my entire life. My confidence was hit, and so was my social life and every other aspect of my life. I was used to think of myself as a beautiful woman, and it felt like I was in the wrong body. I spent days at home because I couldn't stand people looking at me weirdly.
I still recall an incident at a parking lot on Rockville Pike last summer where a random man followed me to my car and tried to convince me to sleep with him. I was so disgusted at his lack of tact that the only way I could react was to laugh with all the contempt I had in me. His attitude changed, and he yelled at me “Get your motherf*cking face fixed, ugly!”
At this point, no one would have expected me to start a fashion blog and expose myself to thousands of people online. But I did. For the sake of my confidence and of my well-being, I couldn't just accept to be the “ugly” girl to whom a random creep would offer sex in pity. I’ve never been the type of girl to accept defeat. I’d spend an hour doing my make-up every morning. I’d spend even more time editing any picture taken of me until it would look like the woman I truly am. And I’d drive the attention away from the acne and to my best assets: my eyes, my hair, my body, my clothing and my personality, which I thrive to cultivate and to make as witty as possible. I'd wear 11 centimeter stilettos and practice my walk for hours in my bedroom so when I would go out, people would say "how can this woman walk with such high heels and not break her ankle... wow!" rather than fixating on my skin.
I've been taking Accutane a few months ago, and I am regaining my beauty and my confidence again. I do much less editing on my pictures, if any, and soon I will be able to wear much lighter make-up, just like before. But the best of it all is, well, what people say when they see me now: “You look amazing”. “So much better”. “You radiate beauty”. Was it worth to go to near-disfigurement (and all the disastrous consequences it had on my life) to hear that now? This is a question that I yet have to answer. What I learned (at the risk of sounding like I borrowed one of Mary-Alice Young's lines from the end of a Desperate Housewives episode) is how fragile things are, even when take them for granted and lean on them. In no time, anything can crumble.